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I am at the very beginning of this process. I have shared everything with my bishop and my wife from the past several years. My road to recovery is only 9 days long so far. I am ready to start allowing the inspiring words from church leaders and powerful scriptures soak into my soul a day at a time as I go forward with my wife here to support me. I admit that I am powerless to overcome my addiction on my own. I am worn out from trying to beat it alone. I will be attending my first addiction recovery meeting very soon.
My addiction to lust began, to the best of my recollection, at age 11. It was mostly curiosity, but was heightened when I would view porn at friend's houses. Through my teenage years the addiction escalated. I had lost all control. I prayed a 1,000 times for God to help me stop, and each time I ended up right back in my addiction. It was a daily occurrence. Somehow I mustered the strength to abstain from my addiction during my mission and the first few years of marriage, but the addiction returned. I again found myself back in those same patterns of deception, lust, denial, and guilt. It was suggested to me by my bishop that I attend ARP. Through ARP I have found support and fellowship, the isolation is GONE! I also began attending a Sexaholics Anonymous meeting and found further fellowship. The program has helped me turn my will over to God. I have realized that the program is really the Gospel in action, made easier for people like me. Recovery is possible!
When I was going through my hardest times, I am not sure the 12 steps to addiction recovery existed yet. As I read through the steps, however, I am able to recognize that my personal struggle led me through each one. I remember praying so many times that if Christ would relieve this burden from me that I would dedicate my life to His service. It was only through complete submission to His will that I was able to be healed. So many times I tried to overcome my addiction on my own, but it was only through Christ, the Master Therapist, that I was able to succeed!
First, I'm a addict of pornography/sexual addiction. I've been in the recovery process since 2006, two short years before my daughter's 8th B-day. I awoke one day in March, feeling like my entire world is shattering everywhere. Like many others I began the process of repentance. When counseling wasn't making an impact more like I stopped doing the prescribe steps I relapsed into the addiction. With the help of my Bishop and a Priesthood blessing I began to go to ARP mtg. Right! Drove the sight of mtg and sat in my car in the parking lot thinking "I don't need any help. My strong will and determination to do it myself is HUGE...". Yep. Over the following 6 wks I saw the same building, time, and Fear/Anxiety of actually going into the mtg. I've finally made it into the mtg! Yes, my life had become greatly unmanageable by this addiction. I'm still trying to make a long term recovery but I'm truly grateful for each day I'm able to not give to MY addiction.
When I first started attending recovery meetings I was emotionally exhausted. I had been struggling to overcome my addiction to pornography for years. I was tangled up in so many ways and I couldn't understand why I kept relapsing. I think I was hoping this program would be like a trip to the Emergency Room. I could get a few stitches and get back to business as usual. As I continued to attend meetings I began to understand that business as usual was not what the Lord wanted for me. Through working the steps I have learned that recovery is possible and that Heavenly Father has much better plan for my life then I did. It took me six months to string together more than a month of sobriety. But even in the dark times, I felt the Lord's tender mercies guiding me forward and helping me to not give up. I am living a very different life now and have very different priorities. I am so grateful for the Savior and testify that through these steps we can find recovery! Never give up.
I have been to many meetings and groups and for years have tried to use these principles to recover. I am not there yet. I want to be and truly am seeking to allow God to direct my life since I know he loves me. I am powerless. I pray he will heal me.