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God is merciful and loving, He is kind and patient. Through the power of the Atonement I can be cleansed and empowered to continually do what is right. I feel that by learning and applying the principles of a broken heart and contrite spirit I can have the Spirit with me always. I believe that God wants me to learn certain principles and I will keep failing unless I learn them. Submitting to God`s will is one of the hardest yet most rewarding things there is in this life.
As an addict, it is very very hard to be honest or totally honest because of pride and it's many forms. Never in my life have I imagined being like this. I thought, I can do this on my own, but I was wrong. I confessed to my bishop many times, I have done all that I can do but I easily get tempted. I was into blaming others about my condition, but now I'm humbled as I evaluate myself. My branch president is an exceptional priesthood holder and I admire him so much, but I'm afraid to tell to him again about my problem because he already trusted me after my previous confessions to him. I have been so discouraged many times in my life about my situation. But I want to live, I don't wanna give up. I want to get back up to the right path continually. I need to break these chains through the Atonement of Christ and I believe that I can do this through His help. I'm not handicapped, but I'm sick or defected in some way and I need His grace. I know there's hope for me, I won't stop believing.
The hardest thing for me to do was to come clean. I had to tell my wife about my addiction to sex. I then told my friend, which happened to be my Bishop. I started going to the PA meetings and found hope in recovery of my addiction. I thank Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ for what they have done for me. The atonement and the process of repentance has helped me more than any one-on-one counseling could ever do.
I herby admit that I myself am powerless to overcome my addictions and my life is unmanageable. I am confident that through this program and the love and care of my Heavenly Father and the Atonement of Jesus Christ I can go on a mission and one day be exhaled on high. I believe that Jesus wants me to be clean and I will do my best to ensure that His desire for that does not go unfinished. I have a problem. I want to be clean again, and the Atonement makes that possible for me.
I am very grateful that my soon to be ex-wife was listening to and followed the spirit. Thanks to her, I have been compelled to end my lifelong string of lies, deceit and carnal sin. I am now free from the weight of the chains of hell, however, I must continue to repent and endure to the end. That is the only way that I may have the atonement apply in my life. I look forward to making my Savior a significant part of each day. I love him and I know that he loves me.
Almost two weeks ago I came to a realization that my life was not what I wanted it to be. I was dishonest with others and myself. I had put a up a wall between myself and God. I remember having a conversation with someone that I needed to put Christ above everything. That night I got on my knees and prayed. I told God that I didn't want to live in sin anymore. I told Him that I was afraid but that I wanted to trust Him more than ever. Later that day I heard something on pornography and it talked about rejoicing in the small victories. Everyday I have been trusting God, staying humble, and focusing on the small victories. I have felt more peace in my life than I have in a long time. I still have a long way to go but the Lord has been healing me as I submit to His will.