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The natural man is an enemy to God and I think that natural man is characterized by pride. I thought that I could do this on my own. I thought I had to do this on my own. I think that I believed that I had to overcome every temptation on my own, and then once I had become perfect I could ask Heavenly Father to forgive me for my past mistakes. I thought that I had to be at a point that I wasn't making mistakes any more to ask for that. I was completely wrong, because that was never going to happen. It has to be one day at a time. it has to be today. I have to give my will to Him today and He will help me and heal me today. I can't have that faith in me. I have to have that faith in Him. What a relief that is to take that burden off my shoulders. I love my Father in Heaven I love Jesus and I love the Holy Ghost and I am so thankful that I feel the Spirit every time I attend a recovery meeting.
When I began step three I tried to learn how to bring the light of Christ into each day in small, manageable ways. Some things that helped were praying to my Father in Heaven and saying "I Believe in Thee" with my heart filled with as much faith as I could provide. I have been amazed as how much that simple phrase has made a difference each time I use it. Now when I start to become frustrated, depressed, impatient, fearful, etc. I say this and the empowering blessings flow to my aid. It is truly incredible. I spend some time each day walking outside and speaking with God out loud. When I fist started this, I would only whisper and it was very brief. Now as I walk I openly speak for long periods of time with my Heavenly Father about my blessings, my strengths, my weaknesses, my hopes, and my desires to help others, and to stay strong. It is a wonderful feeling to be able to communicate with my Father as if he is standing beside me.
In working on step 3, I found that I held back from listening to and doing what the Lord asked because of pride, selfishness, and a belief that I would be controlled. During the process of praying and coming closer to God, I have found that my choice and freedom remain with me. When I started asking Him what His will was for me in prayer, I didn't trust Him at first to answer me. I still thought, I guess, that I knew better than He did was was good for me. But then I began to see that my choices in the past have led me into situations and problems that were not good for me. I began to see and accept that maybe I really did need His help to guide my path back to Him. My prayers have changed over the past two years. I have had Him answer so many times and with so many good directions, I know that He will not lead me astray. I choose Him and His ways because of the happiness they consistently bring into mine and my family's life.
Step 3 was by far the hardest step for me. Turning my life and will over to the care of God seemed insurmountable and unattainable. I worked and studied step 3 for months with no luck. Under the direction and council of a couple of friends in ARP I moved onto the other steps only to come back and more fully understand the concept of step 3. I had to totally give myself to God. I prayed for the desire to change and over a long period of time my heart started to change. Every time I pray now I give my will to Heavenly Father and ask that His will be made known to me and that He will give me the power to carry His will out. I still struggle with step 3, but my life is totally different now. I know that God is directing my life and that the course is much easier and I am filled with peace.