An Answer to a Prayer
For many years I considered myself a “constructive” user of Methamphetamine because I could work and function somewhat normally, but that soon ended.
I moved from one addiction to another, including meth and crack cocaine. I found myself doing things I wouldn't normally do to obtain my drug of choice. Shame and heartache followed me. I knew I needed help. I still had two young sons to take care of, and I knew I needed to get my life together so that they wouldn't have to pay the price for my sins.
My choices left my two sons and me in very precarious circumstances. The environment we were living in at the time was extremely destructive, but I did not know a way out. I felt too embarrassed to contact family members and couldn't live with their judgments. I could not bear the thought of losing my sons. Without them, I would have no purpose. But the Lord, in His infinite mercy and love, was able to help me see things better in 2008.
I had just made a very hard choice. I had chosen to leave the environment we were in and headed out into the street, not knowing what would happen. It was cold as I tried to nestle my boys behind our knapsack, which held a few of our clothes and some toys. We left almost everything behind. After I got them somewhat protected from the elements, I looked to the sky and just prayed. I felt empty and soulless at this point. I knew in the back of my mind that I didn't have the strength to start over, nor get over my addiction. I felt that I had ruined my life and put my children in this awful situation. It was so unfair to them. Because of me, they lost that sense of security which children so desperately need.
All I could think to do was say a prayer of surrender. I didn't ask God anything, but I simply stated, “Here we are, Lord. Whatever is going to happen, let it happen. Have us be where you would have us be.” I know without a doubt that if I hadn't sought the Lord that day and been at my lowest—emotionally, mentally, and physically—I would have been destroyed. My world would have ended, and my demise would have come as a result of my addiction. I also would have lost my children. I know that if I hadn't reached out and taken Heavenly Father’s hand when he stretched it toward me, I would have been lost forever. I felt worthless, but as I let the Lord take over, everything fell into place perfectly.
Within a few moments my prayer was answered, evidence of true love, mercy, and compassion that only our Savior can give. A couple pulled their car alongside of my two boys and me and asked if we needed a ride. Acting as instruments in the hands of the Lord, they took us in, fed us, let us get cleaned up, and gave us a warm place to sleep. They encouraged us to stay with them until we got on our feet. I am eternally grateful that My Savior not only kept my little family together, but removed from me the craving and yearning for all illicit drugs.
Within three months I had a full-time job, my own apartment, and a car. I had left the Church many years earlier but I once again became an active member. My boys were soon baptized into the Church. I now serve faithfully in many callings and act as a facilitator in the Addiction Recovery Program. I could never have imagined my life being as wonderful as it is. Although it seemed like I lost a lot, I have actually been blessed with so much more than I could have ever imagined.
President Thomas S. Monson once said, “Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved” (“Finding Joy in the Journey,” Thomas S. Monson, October 2008 general conference). My Savior showed me how far He would go and how far down He would reach, just to rescue me. Why? Because even in my addiction, He loved me, and I am that important to Him.