Finding Real Happiness
As a teenager, I hated life as I indulged daily in my pornography addiction. I became bitter toward my family, the Church, school, and my friends. I knew I needed help. I tried quitting on my own several times, but my addiction seemed to win over my willpower again and again. I felt trapped.
I gave in to temptations because I wanted to feel the high that so often comes with an addiction. But instead of the high, each regression made me feel worse and worse about myself. I felt I could never form a meaningful relationship because I might mess up someone else’s life from my addiction. Because of this, I alienated those close to me and found myself entirely alone. I doubted I could ever change and saw no way out. I started realizing how tightly Satan had me bound in his cords, but I still wanted to change on my terms, not in the way God would have me change.
After several years of this lifestyle, my circumstances changed. I started working and studying abroad. Because I didn’t have regular internet access, I couldn’t indulge in my pornography addiction. I became extremely irritable and hard to be around. One night as I lay in bed, I said to myself, “You know what? I don’t need this anymore. I don’t need pornography. I want to be happy, and I’m not happy right now.” I had gotten to the point where I was tired of being the guy others didn’t want to be around, and I wanted to be happy. I finally felt and knew that I could overcome my addictions through the power of the Atonement and be made whole again. That was the first time I felt the Spirit strongly in a long time. I felt liberated as the chains of Satan began to loosen their grip on me.
I soon learned about the Church’s Addiction Recovery Program and it has been an integral part of my recovery. The principles taught in the program have helped me get back into studying the scriptures, looking for answers to my concerns, and feeling the love and Spirit of God more abundantly. The weekly meetings always give me a chance to recharge, evaluate where I am in my recovery, and make the changes necessary to continue moving forward. I repeatedly study the gospel principles in each step of the program because they help me come closer to my Savior. I can feel that I am changing.
It has not been an easy road since I began down the path of recovery, but I have been much happier since I’ve sought help through the Atonement. I feel closer to my Savior and family than ever before. I feel the love and steady direction of Heavenly Father in my life now. The decision to allow Christ to help me overcome my pornography addiction was the best decision I’ve ever made. I could not be free without Him.